I don't usually post much here besides pictures, updates, and kid stories. The original idea was for my family to keep up with us. As it happens, I don't think anybody I'm related to actually reads this. Just a handful of friends. And Leon. Hello, Leon! You're not a friend. You're family. Just not by blood.
Anyway, I used to put more general thoughts in notes on facebook but since the latest change, I'm having trouble finding the notes feature, so I thought maybe I'd write something and post it here.
I've been thinking about parenting and how irritating I find it when people try to dictate their parenting preferences to other people. There isn't an immediate impetus for this thought. No one is bugging me about it. It's just that I'm noticing--yet again--how different this baby is from the last two. And how that means we use different strategies to keep him happy.
Allison was really difficult as an infant. She habitually cried for 30 or 45 minutes prior to going to sleep, whether you held her or not. If you held her all that time and then put her down, you were probably in for another 30 or 45 minutes. So we took to putting her down and letting her cry pretty early on in our career as parents. That worked for her. And since there was so much crying and we didn't want to wake her up, we also put her in own crib in her own room pretty early. She didn't like the big crib, so we used the snuggle nest Jessica let us borrow to make her feel more secure. It was like a little bed that had close in walls, so she felt a little more hemmed in. As she got older, she also got to really enjoy sleeping with Mama. After her first morning nurse or for naps she loved to snuggle in our bed and fall asleep at the breast.
Frances was a whole different story. She didn't cry to fall asleep--at least not more than a few minutes. By that time, I had a Moses basket for her--also courtesy of Jessica...what would I do without Jessica again?--which she liked very much. She was so tiny. She stayed in it in the kitchen until she was big enough to roll over. By that time, she wanted more space and she was comfortable in the crib. She didn't mind the big space. She also never wanted to snuggle with Mama or Daddy. Ever. She was always going somewhere. She almost never fell asleep nursing.
Jude is something else again. He falls asleep without fussing, much like Frances. But he also wants to feel close. And he likes to snuggle and fall asleep nursing. He's a bit like each of his sisters, really. And different from both in some ways. Neither of them were quite so excited about sitting up. Seriously, he is desperate to sit up on his own. And he's also huge. Huge, I tell you! So big, in fact, that he has outgrown his Moses basket already.
I tried him in the crib a few nights. He does well in it for naps. At night, though, he used to wake up and stir and then fall asleep again in the basket. In his crib, he'll wake up and stir and then he needs Mama to make him feel secure again.
So what's our option? Well, I set up our new co-sleeper today, given to me by my new friend Laresa. I'm hoping this will be a good balance between needing to be near Mama and needing some space for his gigantic body.
That's a very dull tale, the point of which is that we've done different things with each kid. Parenting is all problem solving but you have to be flexible. And while there are things I swear by--my kids and their little blanket teddy bears, for instance--I'm not the parent of anybody else's kids. I don't know what they need. I have some ideas but even with my own kids, what worked with one doesn't work with another. So what do you do? You adapt. And you do whatever works. If it's alone in their own room at 2 months, fine. If it's letting them cry, fine. If it's a co-sleeper, fine. The goal is for everyone to be happy, right? Right. And you know what makes babies happy? The same thing that makes their mother's happy: a good night's sleep.
Speaking of which, I should go to bed now.
